Your Inner Critic

From Rober Schwartz

We all have an inner critic living inside us who speaks up at times, in varying degrees, negatively evaluating our own actions and those of others. As facilitators and coaches we have many opportunities to deal with our inner critic. We might doubt or judge ourselves harshly about how we dealt with a client or facilitated a group. Our critical voice often results from early shaming or humiliating, and fear-based experiences. We internalize these negative critical messages about ourselves and replay them in our minds. The inner critic evolves as a coping strategy in response to these early experiences.

The bottom line is when our inner critic rears its head, our experience is painful and distracting. However, by addressing our inner critic, we can develop our compassion for others and ourselves.

Compassion is the antidote to the inner critic. Though it may seem counter-intuitive, the critical part of us is actually our ally. When the inner critic arises, we can listen and make a choice about how much power and attention we will give that part of ourselves. We can also identify any useful, valid information our inner critic may have for us. Gradually, by paying attention to our inner critic in this way, its strength diminishes because we can more quickly move through the cycle of acknowledging, choosing and then releasing that part of ourselves. Each time we hear our inner critic’s voice, we can acknowledge it and make a choice for compassion. By doing this we can:

  • recognize that many of our judgments are high-level inferences and assumptions
  • choose to shift our behavior from fear-based unilateral control to mutual learning
  • Develop our compassion and take responsibility for our actions, laying less blame on others
  • Deepen our compassion for others

As we begin befriending our inner critic, we can use our interventions with others to help them enter the same process.

One approach that I practice and share with my clients is to address the inner critic by giving it a form. One of our Facilitative Coaching workshop participants found that she could address her inner critic by creating it out of clay and making it an armchair. She said, “If I give my inner critic a comfortable place to sit than it won’t want to bother me.” Her creation was in response to an exercise about dealing with the inner critic. By doing this she offered compassion to herself and her inner critic. As a result she felt freer to express herself during the workshop and be present to learn.

Written and edited by Dale Schwartz, copyright Roger Schwartz and Associates

Today’s story – Not Just Another Town


Fred Everhart read the mail and felt sick. What would the kids do? Fred, head of the recreation commission, experienced what many American towns and committees felt – loss of funds.

Greenfield, Ohio, population 5000, just another town reliant on the auto industry. Five hundred jobs (70% of the town’s industrial employment) would be gone by October 2009. In Willington, the nearest town, DHL Express announced it was pulling out, leaving another 8,000 employees without work. Due to the economic downturn, Greenfield lost fifty percent of the money budgeted to run the city.

The economy didn’t factor in people like Fred Everhart. In January, 2009, Fred called a meeting. Twenty-five to thirty angry parents showed up. The anger and frustration prevented productivity. The parents understood their own hardship, but how could a city face the same?

Fred, not to be beaten, called a second meeting. Nine people attended – The Gang of Nine. Together, they convinced the town to give them $5,000.00 of the $20,000.00 budgeted for little league baseball.

Greenfield had only one ballpark, which it could no longer afford to maintain. The “Gang of Nine” convinced the city to give the park to them. Fred posted an advertisement in the local paper a few weeks before opening day – Memorial Day – volunteers needed.

On that Saturday morning, Fred arrived at 9 A.M. Only two others waited. They looked out over the field. A small breeze picked up a piece of paper and sent it tumbling over the barren field. The grass was uncut. Holes surrounded the bases, dug into the dirt by last season’s players. Water rimmed home plate.

Fred looked at his two companions, “Looks like it’s just us.” He surveyed the field. “Where’s the flag?” He frowned, “For that matter, where’s the flag pole?”

“It blew down five years ago.” One of his companions said. “They couldn’t afford to replace it.”

“No matter,” Fred said, “Let’s get to work.”

They pulled their mowers, shovels, and rakes from their trucks and began to work. At 9:30 A.M. another truck pulled into the parking lot. Behind it, trailing dust, were more cars and trucks. They soon had fifty to sixty men, women and children working. The small army mowed the grass, painted dugouts, patched the fields and mended fences.

A local newspaper picked up their efforts and printed a story. The “Gang of Nine’s” efforts symbolized the strength of community and was picked up by national media. Fred was overwhelmed with emails, letters, and donations from around the country. They came from Hawaii to Vermont. One lady called from Illinois. She’d lived through the depression and knew what it was like to go without. She didn’t want the kids to do the same. A few days later, Fred received a check for $500.00 from her.

Baseballs arrived. Twenty-four dozen came in one delivery from New Orleans. Donations of equipment arrived from individuals and little leagues in Pennsylvania and Illinois.

The league was featured on “Good Morning America”. They received more equipment from the major baseball leagues, and the Cincinnati Reds invited the entire Greenfield league to see a game at “Great American Ballpark” in Cincinnati.

Fred wasn’t done. He spoke to members of the “Concerned Veterans of Greenfield”. Their bylaws prohibited them donating money, but they donated a flagpole and a flag.

Fred spoke to a stone mason, Jay Hardy, owner of Hardy Memorials. Fred wanted to do something in return to the veterans. Jay agreed to donate his work to those who fought then and now. Fred expected a small plaque, but one morning, Jay pulled into the parking lot with a section of marble three feet, by two feet, by two inches. The flagpole and monument where mounted in cement.

The league made concessions: only one new baseball per game; the scoreboard and lights remained dark; and restrooms were locked, replaced with portable toilets.

Four hundred and fifty children, ages five through sixteen, signed up to complete forty-seven teams. On opening day, Fred and his gang surveyed the field once again. Fred remembers one thing – sounds. He listened to the laughter of children, the crack of bats against balls, and above it all, the snapping of the flag blowing in the wind.

A call for silence – the national anthem played and the plaque was dedicated to the veterans.

“Play ball!” The umpire yelled.

The season was on.

On July 3, 2009, the last game was played. The last ball was struck. The last game of the season came to an end. The players, parents, coaches, and umpires left the field. The last breath of wind rolled a hotdog wrapper over the infield. The sun dropped below the horizon. The light of day faded. The stars and stripes gave a final wave in the dying wind. It hung limp against the pole – vigilant – waiting for another season. One could imagine the sound of a bugler playing, signaling the end of the day, the end of a season.

The economy caused problems around the globe, but in Greenfield, it was beaten – Greenfield, not just another town.

Michael T. Smith

Michael Smith has authored hundreds of great stories. To read more of his stories, go to: http://ourecho.com/biography-353-Michael-Timothy-Smith.shtml#stories To sign up for his stories go to: http://visitor.constantcontact.com/d.jsp?m=1101828445578&p=oi

When more is not enough – just for fun

Balanced living means that more than ever the demands on our lifestyle compel us to Aspire, Achieve, and Attain!  But sometimes we need a little help in getting what we want.

WHEN MORE IS NOT ENOUGH

Attitude is everything

I just love this !!

attitude is everything

This is a wonderful gift idea – inspiration for your friends, family, customers and employees.  Just quietly I think I would buy it as a gift for myself.  Whether you buy it as a gift for yourself or for someone else, or just want to enjoy the print again

(amongst some other equally beautiful and inspiring ones) – go to the website

Create that winning feeling

by Bob Proctor

I believe we would all agree that having a winning feeling is prerequisite to achieving outstanding results. A person can’t possibly expect to win if they’re constantly focusing on failure! The real secret here is to capture that winning feeling of success as often as you can to create the environment necessary to succeed.    … Article continues

Make Work Feel Like Play – 5-step plan to be happy

Let’s face it, not everybody loves their job… but if the thought of going to work has your stomach in knots – you know, every day – then it’s time to do something about it. The simple truth is that your dissatisfaction may have less to do with the job itself than it does with your attitude about it.

Whether you’re miserable professionally or just in need of a little shake up, you can benefit from making work feel more like play. Try this 5- step plan to be happier at work.

Strive for excellence

“Striving for perfection is the greatest stopper there is… It’s your excuse to yourself for not doing anything. Instead, strive for excellence, doing your best.”

— Sir Laurence Olivier

Questions

“A prudent question is one-half of wisdom.”

— Francis Bacon

Defeat the enemy

For to win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill.

Sun Tzu