Stop Defiant Behavior

5 Effective Discipline Techniques

If you are feeling frustrated, tired and worn down from constantly battling with your defiant child who seems to oppose over absolutely everything, you will be pleased to know that there are a variety of effective discipline techniques you can try for getting your kids to listen and cooperate with you more easily and to stop defiant behavior Here are three tips on parenting defiant kids for putting an end to defiant behavior:
Set Limits And Stick To Them

Setting limits for young children helps them to understand and respect boundaries. Your ability to set limits and stick to them is crucial for effectively disciplining your defiant child. Decide what behaviors you won’t ever allow, and then stick to those limits at all times. For example, if your child demonstrates defiant behavior by refusing to hold your hand to cross a road, it is wise to firmly set a limit that crossing the road is only done while holding hands with you. Make it crystal clear that there is no other option and your child will very quickly learn that defiance is pointless.

Give Your Child Choices

Whenever possible, offer your child two alternate choices to give them a certain level of control. For example, if your defiant child is resisting getting dressed in the morning, giving him or her two outfits to pick from will take the focus off the power struggle over getting dressed and dissolve the defiant behavior. Allowing your child to feel like they have some control by giving them choices makes cooperation natural and easy.

Give Your Child Predictable Consequences

If you want to stop the defiant behaviour, it’s crucial that you be consistent in delivering consequences to your child in response to inappropriate behavior. If you have warned them that action A leads to consequence B, then it must do so every single time. Your child will very soon learn that the same negative result will come from the same inappropriate behavior every time, and once your child understands this, they’ll be far more likely to comply without defiance.
Give Warnings To Smooth Transitions

Imagine if you were midway through typing an email or making yourself a delicious dessert and your partner ordered you to “Get in the car NOW!” No doubt you wouldn’t be impressed and you wouldn’t be inclined to comply.As adults we don’t like having someone else’s agenda thrown at us demanding an instant response. Children are no different. They need a few minutes to shift gears for transitions, so giving your child a five minute warning is a good way to prevent defiant behavior when you are trying to get them to move onto doing something else. Consider Your Child’s Feelings Sometimes defiant behavior can result from a specific emotion your child is having trouble dealing with, such as jealousy or insecurity. Look for a pattern in your child’s misbehaviour and try to identify if a specific emotion seems to be the root cause of it. If so, discuss this with your child to conquer the defiant behaviour at its core and put an end to it once and for all.

Want more tips on how to stop defiant behavior? Then check out the Ace Child Discipline Guide – it offers 150 specific discipline techniques that you can instantly start using with your child to stop misbehavior fast! Visit

Thought for Thursday – inheritance

What you have inherited from your father, you must earn over again for yourselves, or it will not be yours.

–Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Friday film – Cosby on Parenting

Mothers and education

I find, by close observation, that the mothers are the levers which move in education. The men talk about it . . . but the women work most for it.

— Frances Watkins Harper

More quotations about families =>

Ten Ways to be a Better Dad

1. Respect your children’s mother.
One of the best things a father can do for his children is to respect their mother. If you are married, keep your marriage strong and vital. If you’re not married, it is still important to respect the mother of your children. A father and mother who respect each other, and let their children know it, provide a secure environment for them. When children see their parents respecting each other, they are more likely to feel that they are also respected and accepted.

more => (from Books for Families)

Consuming Kids – what parents can do

Consuming Kids pushes back against the wholesale commercialization of childhood, raising urgent questions about the ethics of children’s marketing and its impact on the health and well-being of kids.
(From Videos for Families )

What Teenagers Need – Positive Teaching and Parenting

As a high school teacher for the last few decades, I found that the Bible reference that says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen,” was totally relevant with regard to what teenagers need.

Having a bit of a temper tantrum, whether at home or in the classroom, is pretty well as unwholesome, detrimental and harmful as you can get and only serves to discourage, exasperate or rile your teenagers. (Ask me how I know this.)

“Unwholesome talk” can also be a quiet word of criticism. Once when I was supervising a junior Maths class, I noticed a worksheet on the floor next to a student’s desk. It was crumpled in one corner and not many of the exercises had been completed. I pointed out both these shortcomings to the student and it was almost as if I could see the shutters come down on six month’s worth of rapport building.

The words came out before I had my mind in gear and I knew as I was talking that it was the wrong thing to say. Normally I would have said “Would you like a new sheet?” or “How can I help you?” or “This is a good start, now let’s see how much you can get done in the next 10 minutes.” Cajoling is always better than criticism.

My experience, when I’m criticized (even if I know I’m wrong), is to become defensive – and I’m all grown up! Imagine what it’s like for teenagers.

What they really need at this stage in their lives are words that build them up according to their needs that it may benefit them – that is, words of encouragement, affirmation and a good deal of praise. The benefits to them and us as parents and teachers are quite amazing – harmony not discord, peace not battling for supremacy and love not war.

When I left my last school where I had been a casual (sub) for eight years, I received “thank you” notes from the students. I think these notes illustrate what teenagers want and need from their parents and teachers.

Some of the notes mention kindness, patience, thoughtfulness, encouragement and fun. Teenagers value these qualities and what I found was that the more I relaxed and enjoyed their company, the less I had to discipline them.

Below I’ve included a few excerpts from the notes to let the kids speak for themselves. These are teenagers speaking from the heart and show what, according to teenagers, they need and value.

Each note began, “Thank you for…”

• making each student in the school happy

• putting up with us every time you get us (i.e. having patience)

• Always giving every student a chance and treating everyone like an adult giving lots of merits and making every lesson fun and enjoyable

• Being very kind & for giving me lots of (merit) stickers

• You make working be fun

• Being a patient and thoughtful teacher

Patience is needed as well as kindness, thoughtfulness, a sense of humor and fun and the ability to listen more than talk.

When we praise and value our teenagers, the results are nothing short of miraculous.

Philip S. Baker B.A. Dip. Ed invites you to find out more about positive teaching and parenting of teenagers at His book, “Sunshine in the Classroom Makes Them Happy,” will show you what teenagers need and respond to using basic Christian principles. See his story by going to